Thursday, March 18, 2010

Im going to rant... Well, rant/vent!

Ok, so I am a VERY pro everything kind of person. Im pro life and pro gay marriage and gay rights. Im pro just about everything that I can possibly be for. I believe that everyone is smart enough to make their own decisions, the best decision for them. If you want to love someone the same sex as you, by all means DO IT! Because it means you are happy and why would any one ever want to live their life not happy? Ok well the rant isnt even on that. Its on adoption. And its a comment I keep hearing over and over and OVER again. Like I said, I am adopting and because Josh and I are legally married we are adopting together. We may not be together right now or ever again for that matter but we made the decision to adopt this little girl and be her parents. We tried for 5 years to have kids. Not being able to have kids is a HUGE reason on why our marriage fell apart. We were so broke and so sad. The one thing we wanted, we couldn't have and we watched everyone else around us have it. In face some of those people are HORRIBLE to their kids. Im sorry but dont teach your child the f word and then wonder why she gets in trouble in school. Dont give your white daughter a black doll and have her throw it at the wall. That is horrible! Ive heard so many stories and for the life of me I cant figure out why I cant stay pregnant! So back to the rant..

Ive been getting the following comments a lot lately...
"You are being un fair to this baby, having separated parents"
"This is so selfish of you"
"You're separated, you're not in a place to have kids"

Ok first off.. How is it me being selfish adopting a baby that I KNOW i can give the world too. That right now is homeless and with someone who does not want this baby, someone who has made it clear she hates this baby. How am I being un fair giving it two parents who love this baby already UNCONDITIONALLY!! How am I being un fair giving her a home and clothes and food and insurance. How am I being un fair giving her things that millions of kids dont have?
How is Josh and I adopting her together but being separated any different from a divorced couple who had kids, a 27 year who got pregnant by her boyfriend and then they broke up or a 30 year old who decided marriage isnt for her but kids are so she does artificial insemination. How does that make sense? I am putting this little girl before me in every way. I am looking for a better job to give her more in life. I love this child so much and we have never met. I cant wait to fall asleep next to her and see her smile in the morning. I cant wait to have get off the school bus for the first time so excited because her mom is right there waiting for her. I cant wait to watch her leave for her first date or even have her first baby.. ((no not in the same year, not even in the same 10 years!!) If she comes to me when shes an adult and says I want to adopt, Im going to say ok.. And I am going to be so proud of her.
Josh and I have talked about this since the day we separated. What happens if we find a birth mother.. Honestly, I didnt think we would but everything happens for a reason. She came into our life, she because part of my life.
This little girl is going to have so much love and so many chances in her life. Shes going to be able to do things that I always dreamed of. Im going to make sure of it. She is a part of every decision I make. Shes in my heart and my head when I fall asleep, wake up and all day long. She is the best part of me and shes not even born yet. Ive never smiled this much. Ive never glowed like this. Ive never felt as much like a mom as I do right now. And you know what? Its the best feeling ever. Its so amazing knowing that this little girl has nothing and Im going to make sure she has the world. Ive been through more then any knows. I have secrets that will come never be told. I have more mature then 30 year olds I know. I have more life experience then 40 year old I know..
I cant wait to be a mom. So judge me all you want for what I am doing, but I promise I will never judge you for the choices you've made. I may not agree with them, and I may not think they are right, but I will never judge you, I will stop being your friend and I will never tell you that what you want is wrong and un fair. Because who the hell am I to make that decision for you?


  1. Don't let the naysayers get to you. Sounds like your daughter will be blessed to have you for a mother.