Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Where the heck have I been??

I have been SO busy.. I dont even remember the last time I had time to sit down and write. I know its been a few days. I know its been a few days. So let me update you on as far back as I can remember.. Yup, that would be Sunday! Sunday was a huge day. So Im adopting.. Have I mentioned that? (Had to go back and read, and nope I didnt!) Ok, so I know I have told you about my divorce but he and I were in the process of adoption with the whole thing started to fall apart and I made it clear that I was still going to be adopting.. Well, it just wasnt happening and about a month ago I met a girl through a friend of mine who was pregnant and didnt want the baby. She has made up her mind and didnt even know that she was pregnant until it she was already 5 months and by then it was to late for her to sadly abort the pregnancy.. I know everything has their own opinions on abortions and for the sake of the matter, I am against in MOST circumstances. I wont get into it. Its all political crap that I dont really care to talk about in here. Because it was to late, I get to finally be a mom. Something that with my husband I was never able to do. We tried for a long time. We did In Vitro Fertilization, ive had shots, i have scars... Ive had had needles put in places that needles should never have to go! Well Sunday we decided that we should meet and I offered to take her to dinner.. So it ended up being my friend, the birth mom and her dad, his wife and I. AMAZING! Ever since the day the (lets call her Rose) and I started talking there was an instant connection, I felt a connection with that baby like I have never felt before.. From the moment she and I started talking I knew that this baby would be named Emma. Dinner could not have gone any better. I loved her family and they loved me. I couldnt be more excited and more positive about this whole experience. She said be able to meet me put so many worries they had to rest and that they couldnt have found a better person to adopt this baby. That makes me happy. That makes me know that, through all I have been through, and as dark as things have gotten, light is at the other end of the tunnel. Ok well THAT was Sunday.. Monday I didnt go to work because I was sick, AGAIN! I swear, I dont know if I am ever going to get better.. Yesterday was TUESDAY!! What a great day Tuesday was... Went to work feeling like total and utter shit. Rose had an ultra sound and that went well, not well. She is supposed to be 29 weeks right now and the baby is only weight 1.2lbs.. At 29 weeks she should be weighing 2.5 so now they think maybe shes only 25 weeks which means that 4 weeks ago when she went for her abortion, she could have done it... So I dont know if that happened for a reason or if she is really 29 weeks. I personally think that she is just really small. Rose is only 5'1", heavy smoker and is just under 100 lbs. I dont expect this little girl to be very big.. Well if its even a girl. They went to check that it was a girl and my sweet child would NOT spread its legs. Modest, even in the womb!! After all that dust settled I talked to Rose and I feel so bad. She regrets this baby so much, she regrets being pregnant and what its doing to her body. She thinks that this miracle is ruining her. And its not. Her body can do something that my cant and I am sooo thankful for that. I just hate knowing that one day my little girl may want to know about her birth mother her birth mother doesnt want to know about her.. NEXT.. I get out of work and had an appointment with a plastic surgeon. I had jaw surgery in December 2008. When I got my braces, I ended up getting an under bite and when they went to fix my jaw they broke my nose so Ive been having trouble breathing since then. Well, the results are in. I have a deviated septum (no, I dont do coke..) and a bunch of other problems so hopefully some time before miss Emma is born I will be able to have my nose fixed. Getting a nose job, paid for by my insurance.. Woo? They are taking some of the cartilage to fix the dip in my nose form the surgery as well. My 3rd nose in my life time and none of it for personal gain. Wooow. Wanna throw in a free tummy tuck too? Haha. Well AFTER that, I just get home, had enough time to change and get straight over to The Firm which is a little bar for a private show with... CARTEL!! It was just 2 guys from the band but it was a small acoustic show. I have a friend who has helped me get into these events and it is amazing. Its awesome getting autographs and pictures. I have an entire wall of signed posters. They were seriously nice guys!! Then my lovely friend and I went to dinner, registered for baby stuff and went and saw "Shes Out of My Leage" which by the way is FUNNY!! Still miserable I didnt go to bed until after 3 am, augh. Woke up at 10:30 which is amazing because I never sleep in past 8. Today is St Patricks Day and I am going to meet a friend for dinner in a little bit.

Ok so NOW I remember I didnt write on Saturday. And by Saturday I mean work day from hell. Had a rough time with a client and blah blah blah, I just wanted to come home and go to BED!!!

So hows life for you??

Also, if you are interested, I am listening to "Ignorance" by Paramore. Love them!

So, I dont know whats going on with the husband and I. I guess I can just tell you his name is Josh. Weve been through a lot and hes made some really stupid, really not smart choices.. Boo to him. We dont feel the way we used to about each other but we both want to do whats best for this little girl. Shes already my life.. So we are talking it out.. No I didnt say walk it out.. Bad joke ((the song is stuck in my head)).. I dont know if we will end up together, I really dont think he wants us too and if we dont then so be it. Im just sick of being alone. Not having anyone to say goodnight too.

Sooo.. I dont even know what to say. My head is killing me, so I see motrin in my near future! Ooook kids, enjoy. I need to go get ready for dinner!!

Ive posted 2 videos from Cartel on my twitvid if you want to check them out yo.


No comments:

Post a Comment